A Funeral of Three

David-Bowie_Chicago_2002-08-08_photoby_Adam-Bielawski-cropped.jpg

David-Bowie_Chicago_2002-08-08_photoby_Adam-Bielawski-cropped

A Funeral of Three

They say famous people die in threes, and on January 10th, 2016 the world lost three iconic personalities – tragically all in a single, dark day.

The following obituaries are written in their memory.

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Ziggy Stardust

Ziggy came to Earth on February 10, 1972. The major influences on his life were The Legendary Stardust Cowboy, Vince Taylor and Kansai Yamamoto. Already ambiguous, alien and a rock star, his orange hair dye and Japanese kimonos cemented his place in the public’s consciousness. Ziggy retired from public performances after a failed attempt on his life in 1973, taking to managing and producing his own music. He is succeeded by a legacy of fans.

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Thin White Duke

While his date of birth is unknown, the Thin White Duke emerged on the scene in 1976. A snappy dresser who enjoyed the cabaret style, he is fondly remembered for his non-conformist lifestyle. From his diet of red peppers, cocaine and milk, to his infamous pro-Fascist remarks and collection of Nazi memorabilia, the Duke lived, as a friend once said, like “ an Aryan romantic with no feelings at all”. A controversial figure during his brief two year career, he notably achieved cinematic fame for his starring role as Thomas Jerome Newton in The Man who Fell to Earth.

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Major Tom

Missing in space since 1969 and presumed dead, a radio signal picked up by SETI from Major Tom’s life support system has confirmed this brave pioneer’s passing. NASA pinpointed his death as occurring one hundred thousand miles away, the furthest distance from Earth ever travelled by a human. Despite slipping away from his spaceship, the major nevertheless continued to send a record of the highs and lows of his drift through the heavens. In recognition of his selfless contributions to human knowledge, NASA’s representative has announced it will award him the Alpha Centauri award posthumously. He is survived by his beloved wife who has requested to remain anonymous.

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