We’re a week from Valentine’s Day, the one day a year that makes romantics swoon and singles reach for their closest alcohol source. This year, we say skip the dramatics of life-sized teddy bears and bouquets of a thousand roses.
Whether you’re riding the wave of a newfound relationship, settled comfortably in a long-term one or wearing your singlehood like a badge of honour, here are five of the least painful ways to get you through February 14th.
Give someone a pick-up line.
Chances are, she (or he) has heard it all before. So put a tangible spin on a cheesy practice and hand someone an item that encapsulates your feelings. Hand her a map, and say it’s because you’re always getting lost in her eyes. Or a light bulb, declaring ‘You light up my life.’ Or a can of red bull, because ‘You give me wings.’ You get the idea.
Volunteer at a non-profit organization
Don’t have a date? Find a cause you care about and devote a few hours to doing good. To the migrant workers in Singapore working 14-hour days to feed their families, or the parents of a terminally ill child, it doesn’t matter that it’s Valentine’s Day. If that’s not enough to keep your self-pity in check, maybe you deserve to be alone. (Burn!)
Throw a singles party
Call it a gathering of the Lonely Hearts Club. You can even make the Forever Alone meme your official mascot.
Raise a toast to the pleasures that being single accords you – spending weekends schlepping around the house in pyjamas, never having to plan dates, and farting wherever and whenever you please.
Eat un-romantic food
For the lucky ones who are attached, skip the carefully-coiffed hairdos and sparkling flutes of Moet that will cost a pretty penny. Instead, head to the most unglamourous place you can think of and tuck in. Think greasy burgers, fried hawker fare, two-for-one pizzas and barbecued wings. Wash it all down with a pitcher of cold beer. Lads will enjoy the grub, and ladies, remember that men love a girl who can eat.
Love yourself. (No, not like that.)
If all else fails, stay home and avoid the crowds. Pick out a DVD you love, but a partner would hate – a rom-com like Sex And The City or a gory 300-esque battle film works well, depending on your gender. Put your feet up, eat your dinner on the couch, and tell yourself that the rest of the world is missing out. Go to bed early so you can skip the declarations of love on social media and when you wake up, congratulate yourself for having survived yet another Valentine’s Day.