The Millennial Hit List

Millennials are that generation whose birth era begins in 1979 (when it snowed in the Sahara) to 2000 (when Y2K was expected to destroy computers), so it’s quite appropriate that they’ve been billed the new culprits of chaos (according to the internet), responsible for cutting short the lifespans of everything from wine corks and cereal to crowdfunding and the Olympics.

And soap, don’t forget soap.

In the wake of this litany of crimes, we bring you four “murders” that millennials can actually be indicted for.

Court’s in session!

1. Malls

shopping-mall-906734_1280

Malls across the world have been hit hard by shopper decline, and in Singapore where millennials compose 22% of the resident population, and are the largest generation in the workforce, they are more than a little responsible for the sad state of Orchard Road, and the rise in retail vacancies islandwide. For being the tech-savvy type that takes their shopping online, we pronounce millennials: CRIMINAL MASTERMINDS

  1. Diamonds

Screen Shot 2017-01-11 at 6.28.17 PM

Diamonds won’t be forever if it were up to millennials. Their greater concern for cost, ethical production (think blood diamonds), and preference for the unique over the mass-produced is causing a global slowdown in diamond retail sales. For instance, more couples in Singapore are turning to more affordable rubies, sapphires and pearls as unique centrepieces for their engagement rings. What’s more, many young people globally are also delaying marriage, to the horror of the diamond industry. For the crime of being individualistic, and valuing savings over shiny rocks, we declare millennials: ACCESSORIES TO THE CRIME

  1. Cinemas

Screen Shot 2017-01-11 at 6.29.33 PM

If Captain America can’t save the US cinema, who can? Despite a recent slew of Marvel films with the super soldier and other youth-centred movies like The Hunger Games: Mockingjay, the number of US millennials visiting cinemas has generally declined, as more turn their attentions to mobile content like Netflix, Youtube, Facebook and Snapchat. As for Singapore, a 2014 poll found that 70% of young respondents habitually pirated digital content. For the (real) crime of IP skullduggery and ruthless plundering of the entertainment industry’s profits, we pronounce millennials: PRACTICED PIRATES

  1. Democracy

Screen Shot 2017-01-12 at 12.45.19 PM

Millennials are reversing the tide of left-leaning, liberal governments and policies that had swept the world, over the last several decades simply through their relative apathy. For instance while UK voters aged 18-24 generally opposed Brexit, only 64% of them voted, compared to 74% of those aged 55-64, and 90% of those aged 65 and above. In a poll conducted before the vote, 19% of those aged 18-24 said they didn’t know which choice to vote for, or wouldn’t be voting. And following the shock-outcome of that vote, it was clear the majority of millennials who were for staying, but also stayed home and didn’t vote, would have swung the close race in their favour… but simply didn’t as they were too busy illegally downloading GOT or snapchatting at home that day.

A few months later, Hillary Clinton’s lower millennial support (compared to Barack Obama), and the high percentage of election boycotting by disgruntled (millennial) Bernie supporters following his exit from the race, helped usher in the dreaded era of The Donald.

Still on the horizon, the French presidential elections in April will feature Marine Le Pen of the far-right, (very arguably fascist) National Front as a front-runner for French president, buoyed by strong support from millennials (about 20% of those aged 18-34 support her party), while similar right-wing parties have also been making substantial gains across Europe including Italy and Germany (together with France, the EU’s 3 biggest economies) – and we all unfortunately know what happens when Germany takes a hard-right – right through Belgium.

For turning out in too few numbers to prevent Brexit and Trump, while supporting fascists across Europe, we declare millennials: VOTERS GONE ROGUE.
Rarely has a generational gap proved so costly to economy, politics and culture in general, which raises one question: what will happen when Gen Z comes round?

 

SHARE