If you live in Singapore, you’ll know that complaining is practically a national pastime. We complain about the weather (too hot, too wet), the MRT (too slow, too crowded), food prices, school deadlines, and more — often all in the same conversation. Among friends, complaining is social glue. It signals honesty, shared struggle, and a kind of everyday realism.
But what if complaining doesn’t just express stress — what if it actually trains your brain to stay stressed?
Recent research in neuroscience suggests that repeated complaining can physically rewire your brain, shaping how you experience the world on a biological level. This doesn’t mean you should never complain. It does mean that how often — and how habitually — you complain matters more than most of us realise.
Complaining and the brain
When you complain, your brain isn’t just processing words. You’re activating neural networks linked to threat detection and stress response. These are the same systems that helped our ancestors survive danger. The problem is that your brain doesn’t distinguish between a tiger in the jungle and a late group project member. To your nervous system, stress is stress.
According to findings discussed by the Stanford University School of Medicine, repeated negative thought patterns — including chronic complaining — strengthen these stress-related circuits through a process called neuroplasticity. Neuroplasticity refers to the brain’s ability to reorganise itself based on repeated experiences. In simple terms: the more you use a pathway, the stronger it gets.
The 1996 Stanford study suggests that complaining, or even being complained to, for 30 minutes or more can physically damage the brain. To confirm this, researchers used MRI (high-resolution magnetic resonance imaging) scans, and found “links between long-term stressful life experiences, long-term exposure to hormones produced during stress, and shrinking of the hippocampus.” (The hippocampus is part of the brain responsible for new memories as well as learning and emotions.)
The worst part is that the average person complains between 15 to 30 times a day. This means that complaining can literally make you stupider.
If you complain constantly, your brain becomes highly efficient at spotting problems, threats, and frustrations. What starts as a temporary mood can become a default setting. The brain “learns” that negativity is important, urgent, and worth paying attention to — even when nothing major is wrong.
From venting to baseline stress
Over time, this rewiring has measurable effects. Studies show that individuals who habitually engage in negative thinking experience higher baseline stress levels and greater emotional volatility. This means you’re more reactive, more easily irritated, and more overwhelmed by small inconveniences.
Our minds generate tens of thousands of thoughts, and research has shown that a whopping 80% of those thoughts are negative (Killingsworth & Gilbert, 2010). If you know yourself, then you’d realise that about 95% of today’s thoughts are repeated from yesterday’s, reinforcing familiar mental patterns.
For students, this can show up as feeling constantly “on edge”, snapping at friends, struggling to concentrate, or feeling exhausted even when nothing particularly bad has happened. The world feels harder not necessarily because it is harder, but because your brain has been conditioned to interpret it through a lens of threat.
Ironically, complaining often feels good in the moment. It creates social bonding and temporary emotional relief. But biologically, repeated complaining keeps your stress response switched on. Your body releases stress hormones like cortisol more frequently, which over time can affect sleep, immunity, digestion, and even memory.
This isn’t about toxic positivity
It’s important to be clear: this isn’t an argument for forced optimism or pretending everything is fine. Suppressing emotions is unhealthy. Complaining occasionally, especially when paired with problem-solving or support, is normal and human.
The issue is chronic complaining — complaining without resolution, reflection, or balance. When complaining becomes your default conversational mode, your brain adapts accordingly.
The encouraging part, as Stanford’s research emphasises, is that neuroplasticity works both ways. Just as negative pathways can be strengthened, they can also be redirected. Awareness is the first step. Once you understand that your thoughts and speech patterns are shaping your brain, you gain agency over them.
Rewiring starts with small shifts
Luckily, this doesn’t mean dramatic lifestyle changes. It can start with simple shifts: noticing when you’re looping the same complaints, pairing a complaint with a concrete action, or deliberately acknowledging something neutral or positive after venting.
Create a mental “circuit breaker” — a word, sense, or action that acts as a cue and immediately signals your brain to shift focus. Repeatedly redirecting your thoughts doesn’t just improve your mood; it physically rewires your brain.
In a society that complains fluently, learning when not to complain might be a quiet competitive advantage — not socially, but biologically. Your brain is always listening. The question is: what are you training it to hear?
